Jagr Should Be In Jail For This Hit!

New York Skate of Mind

Los Angeles Kings vs New York Rangers

First off, I have to say that Jaromir Jagr - who spent the off-season recovering from shoulder surgery, yet is still the current NHL scoring leader - looked really good tonight. From what I saw during warm-ups, the ratty mullet is permanently gone. (Thank God!) But it seems as if he actually went too a stylist, cuz he's no longer sporting that SuperCuts half-off special that he was wearing last year. Now he's got a sorta Owen Wilson'ish shag, with a little coloring to boot. REALLY cute. I never was much of a Jagr fan, but I may have to start following him now. Like I said, he looked really good tonight.

Period 1:
Note to Kings management: DON'T DROP THE SOPEL! This guy totally rocks! Get him a stylist (see if you can get the number to Jagr's before he leaves), cuz that stringy caveman doo is a don't, but keep his butt here in LA. 2 goals from Sopel made the night a good one. But not as good as the fact that Garon was in net, AND NOT CLOUTIER. What did say earlier, hmm, I don't remember... what was it I was saying?.... Oh yeah, CLOUTIER SUCKS! Oh, yeah... and if I ever get the chance to sing the anthem at a Kings game, I think I'm just going to rap it ("...my Democracy brings all the boys to the yard, and my land is better than yours..."), because if you can't sing it well, you look like a total dumb-ass.

• End of Period 1: Kings 2, Rangers 0

Period 2:
Fro-love got one right as the period started. Shanahan got one a little bit later for the Rangers but who cares. Big deal. The Rangers fans in my section went crazy like it was a big deal. I guess they thought Cloutier was in net, but he wasn't, so there. I just HATE Rangers fans. They are stupider than dirt. And Avery got a goal! Whoo Hoo! What would Avery do when his team needs an insurance goal? Well he'd get one. Puppy Power!

• End of Period 2: Kings 3, Rangers 1

Period 3:
Trevor was our usher again in our section, and I think he's going to be our usher all season. He. Is. Cute. Period. I was going to try to talk to him tonight, but the Kings didn't suck, and it's hard be a scopin' when the Kings are actually winning. But when I came back with my pretzel, he smiled at me and told me that he didn't need to see my ticket when I came back to my seat. That means he noticed me and probably remembered me from the Ducks game, the game where I first noticed him. We'll see. Jagr like totally hit Sean Avery in the back of the head and almost killed him, and they give a penalty to Avery. What the...? You know, the refs need to stop hatin' so much on Avery. He's so misunderstood that it really makes me mad sometimes. And Blake said something to somebody and they kicked him out of the game. I'll probably try to talk to Trevor next week at the Sharks game.

• Final Score: Kings 3, Rangers 1

I'm really tired because of the time change, so good night.

Tickles

Know your opponent: NY Rangers

The Kings play the 5-5-0 Rangers tonight at Staples, and if Cloutier is in goal, they will be the 6-5-0 Rangers tomorrow morning. The Rangers are sometimes called the Blueshirts because they wear blue shirts. But then again, so do the Kings, and I've never heard anyone call them the Blueshirts now that I think of it. Sometimes nicknames are just stupid. Anyway, tonight is my first chance to see if Jaromir Jagr grew his hair back long, or if he is keeping it cut short. I usually like it when the guys have longer hair, but Jagr is the exception I think. He always had it cut in that stupid mullet that made it look like he was wearing a ratty old Santa Clause beard on the wrong side of his head. Cloutier used to play on the Rangers, too. So maybe he still has some friends on the team who will feel sorry for him and take it easy on him. I doubt it, though. Because when you keep sucking so much and losing games for your team, you don't have any friends after a while.

Tickle Talk

This is where I just talk about hockey stuff that I'm thinking about. I'm trying to think of a better name for it.

• So I got a call from my Uncle Pat today and he tells me that I am on the front page of letsgokings.com, which is very cool but then my dad read it, and then he read my blog, then got like sooo angry that I ate popcorn at The Grudge 2. (Sorry Dad) He also reminded me that I was like so crushing on Frolov last season and that Heather should be able to crush on whoever she wants without me busting on her. Then I reminded him that she is starting to get all Zellweger about Cloutier, then he said it's OK for me to knock some sense into the girl if I have to. (HAHAHA!).

• My brother wants the Penguins tickets, but they are scheduled for me, so I'm not sure if I'm going to see the Penguins or the Rangers instead. Jagr's on the Rangers and there isn't anybody on the Penguins worth seeing, so I'll probably go to the Rangers game and let Ronnie have the Penguins. (BTW Heather, Ronnie played with his new team today and he didn't completely suck.)

• Jeremy "JR" Roenick. My uncs loved him last year, but hate him this year. I never liked him. When I met him last years he was kinda creepy, had some funky teeth, and he smelled like cheese. I don't know what it's called, but there was this big cheese dish at this wedding we went to a while ago, and one of the cheeses had a funky smell. And Jeremy Roenick kinda smelled like that, even though he had a bunch of cologne on. Anyway, everyone talks about how he sucks now, but to me he always just smelled like cheese, and that's not good.

No Limit Texas Choke'em

Los Angeles Kings vs Dallas Stars

Well all I can say is "Thank You Andy Murray for playing Garon!". Even though he is beginning to pick up some of Cloutier's bad work habits, at least he gave the Kings a chance to win before they eventually choked at the end. And apparently Rob Blake's first paycheck cleared, so he honored us with a goal and a pretty good effort. Rob gets a gold star tonight. Heather came over and watched the game with me tonight, and she just wouldn't shut up about Mike Modano. I know you are reading this Heather, but all I can say is that you will NEVER be Mrs. Heather Modano, and it's a good thing because I couldn't be friends with you if every time I went to your house I had to see Mr. Giant White Walnut Teeth kissing you and stuff. Ugghh!

Period 1:
Stars score a goal late in the period and it looks like more of the same. They showed Mike Modano on the screen and Heather practically started rubbing herself. (Well, you did...) She's like, "But doesn't he look like Tom Cruise?", and I'm like "Uh, yeah... and Tom Cruise is like older than my dad and he's a Orthodox Mormon and they don't even drink sodas and eat chocolate. Do you want your kids to never have a soda or a Twix?". Someone needs a boyfriend BAD.

• End of Period 1: Kings 0, Stars 1

Period 2:
Yay!! Kings score, and it's Rob Blake, who I also think is older than my dad like Tom Cruise. Then there were a couple of good fights, the best one was when Tom Kostopopolous totally nailed a Stars guy. I'm talking like WFC, who am I and what am I doing here, knock-out. I'm saving that one on my Tivo. The other fight was Jeff Cowen who looks EXACTLY like my Uncle Pat, though I think Uncle Pat may actually be a better fighter. On then the Stars scored with like 5 seconds left, totally sucking out the 2nd intermission.

• End of Period 2: Kings 1, Stars 2

Period 3:
So they show Dan Cloutier on the bench and Bob and Jim are talking about how stupid, useless and crappy he is when Heather says, and I quote, "Hey, who is that? HE'S CUTE." OMG! OMG! OMG! This can not be happening. OK, OK, OK... Modano looks like Tom Cruise and he's so hot and his teeth aren't really that big. Just don't get a crush on Cloutier, Heather. I am SO serious.

With about 5 minutes left Tom Kostopopolous scored a goal to go along with his smack down, but the Stars scored with like 5 seconds left in the game to win it. CHOKE! I'll bet Cloutier is happy right about now, because Garon NEVER did stuff like that before Cluotier came around.

• Final Score: Kings 2, Stars 3

L8TR,

Tickles

Columbus Day Massacre

Los Angeles Kings vs Columbus Blue Jackets

Period 1:
Well, the Kings were in Columbus last night and it was no Columbus Day holiday for the Kings. First, they started Dan Cloutier in goal (yuck!), so it probably isn't so bad that I didn't actually see the game. I went to the movies instead and saw The Grudge 2. All I could think about was that the blue grudge kid reminds me of Dan Cloutier, so yeah, the movie was pretty scary.

• End of period 1: Kings 0, Columbus 1

Period 2:
Have you ever gotten a popcorn kernel stuck between your teeth? Ugghh! It really sucks, especially since my braces are all loose and my dad would just go like totally postal if he knew I was eating popcorn. Then I told my friend Heather that since that piece of corn was stopped from going down my throat, that my two front teeth now have a better save percentage than Dan Cloutier. We laughed, and everyone in the theater was all like "Shhh!", like they were missing something. Also, just so you know, there are like -ZERO- cute guys in this movie.

• End of period 2: Kings 0, Columbus 1

Period 3:
OK, so after the movie we went to this Halloween party in the canyon, and there was like noooo cell reception. So I was like "Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?..." all during the hay ride and Heather was laughing so hard she like almost peed herself. So I'm not sure what the final score was, but I'm sure Dan Cloutier let in like a bunch of dumb goals.

• End of period 3: Kings ?, Columbus ?

Well, that was my first blog. I can't wait to do more for you guys. If you have any questions about hockey, Dan Cloutier or Constantine Maroulis ( you may know me from my other blog, constantdreamboat.blogspot.com) feel free to ask. I'm always happy to teach people new things.

L8TR,

Tickles