Exclusive Jeremy Roenick Interview

Wow, it's been a long time since I chimed in about Jeremy Roenick here on LetsGoTickles. Apparently, forgetting about JR is a pretty easy thing to do. I guess that's why he needs to keep opening his pie-hole to any feckless reporter that will listen, excreting his self-promoting blatherings all over the newspapers like a puppy in training. And as the trade deadline approached, JR made it known to the world that he would gladly accept a trade to a playoff bound team. I'm sure there are a few Kings fans who are still paying off the 05-06 Kings Season Tickets that they put on their credit cards who, for once, were glad they weren't a "playoff bound team". But while 29 general managers collectively peed their pants in laughter, the trade deadline came and went without so much as a "thanks, but no thanks" for Mr. Roenick. Well, in this LetsGoTickles exclusive, I spoke to JR by phone in his first interview after not being traded to a contender.

LetsGoTickles: Hey JR, how are you today?

Jeremy Roenick: Uh, good.

LGT: So are you disappointed that no GM's of "Stanley Cup contenders" were drunk enough to trade for you at the deadline?

JR: Who is this?

LGT: Assholesayswhat.

JR: What?

LGT: Huh?

JR: How did you get this number?

LGT: I think they should bypass the three-year waiting period and get you inducted into the Hall of Lame immediately. Wouldn't you agree.

JR: Well, I'm still playing, so it's a bit early to start talking about the Hall of Fame...

LGT: No, I said "Hall of Lame". LAME. It's not too early for that, I don't think.

JR: Look, don't call me anymore...

LGT: Homosayswhat.

JR: What?

LGT: Huh?

(*click*)

I hope to bring you Part 2 of my exclusive interview with Jeremy Roenick soon, but that depends entirely on JR's ability to block calls on his cell phone. I'll keep you posted.

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Let's Go Sopel!

OMG! I am soooo excited! So every year the Kings have this thing called Tip A King, where the fans get to meet all the players and get autographs and stuff, and it was the other day and it was SO MUCH FUN! But that 's not the best part. So I was talking to Brent Sopel at his table and he's signing my jersey and he signs my player card and he says "So what's your name?", real nice and all, and I say "My name is Tickles.". And he goes "Tickles? Tickles McGinty? With the blog?", and I'm like "OMG! YES!YES!YES! That's me! That's me!" And he goes on to tell me that he reads us every day and that we are his favorite and he likes it when I say "Don't drop the Sopel". I was causing a scene because I was so excited by this. I couldn't believe it. So I asked him if he would like to do an interview for LETSGOTICKLES, and he said "Yeah, that would be great!". I'm supposed to meet him at the Healthsouth practice facility tomorrow and so I can do the interview and take pictures with him after the Kings practice. I asked if I could bring my video camera to tape it so I could put it on the blog and he said that would be cool. He also said he could introduce me to Mattias Norstrom too since I wasn't able to meet him at Tip A King (I figured I'd just get to him next year)! I am soooo jazzed... I can't wait! I am going to ask him what it's like to play for the Kings, and how he likes finally being part of the nucleus of the team that they are rebuilding around. What else should I ask? I feel like I am finally going to get to be like my favorite blogger, that Kat19 girl on Ecklund's site. Maybe someday I'll get to work for a professional website like that. OMG OMG OMG I can not wait! LetsGoSopel!

Rob Blake's Desperate Cry For Help

Los Angeles Kings defenseman Rob Blake suffered what many insiders are calling "symptoms of extreme exhaustion", but what others are saying is a massive emotional breakdown.

The day started out with Blake demanding to be traded, followed by a demand to have his number retired immediately, which was then followed by yet another demand for his own personal "Blake Mobile", a modified golf cart which Blake would use to transport himself from the locker room to the ice. "He had sketches and everything." said an insider, "It actually looked pretty cool. It had spinners and a whack paint job..." But following hours of negotiations, the situation seemed resolved and Blake had agreed to stay and not waive his no-trade clause.

However, when asked about the situation by reporters after that evening's game against the Colorado Avalanche, Blake became visibly angered and ran to the trainers room and shaved his head in front of an astonished Dean Lombardi. When approached by Lombardi, Blake quickly left the locker room and proceeded to leave Staples Center. He was later seen by reporters going into Figueroa Ink, a well known downtown tattoo parlor, where he got what witnesses are calling a Sakic Whale Tail. "He was talking crazy stuff. Completely insane nonsense." said a witness "He was saying that the Kings were going to win the Cup and that Shawn P. Roarke was a hockey genius. We're talking some wacky stuff, here..."

"Rob was very emotional about playing his old team. In particular, playing against some of his old teammates whom he was close to. Very close to." said a spokesman. "And upon further discussion, we have decided to agree to give Rob his "Blake Mobile". Hopefully that will calm things down."

Rob Blake was not available for comment.

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Aaron Miller's Hairiest Fan Anxiously Waits

Randy Poontash of Altadena is nervous about the upcoming NHL trade deadline. Before every Kings home game Randy's wife Barbara shaves the number 3 in his back-hair before they go to Staples Center. Then Randy takes his seat in section 303, row 3, seat 3. "It's all about Aaron Miller for me. And if he gets traded like some say he will, then I guess I'll stop shaving my back." says the semi-retired body cavity search technician. "I guess I could shave it into an 8, but that's Mike Weaver's number, and shaving Mike Weaver's number into your back-hair is kinda dumb. Aaron Miller's number? Well that makes perfect sense. But Mike Weavers, not so much."

Randy's wife Barbara was too embarrassed to comment.

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Michael Cammalleri has an enormous head.

Every time I mention the fact that Cammi has a very large head that is similar in shape and size to a Virginia ham, I get tons of e-mails from from people explaining that I should like Michael Cammalleri. Well, I never said I didn't like Michael Cammalleri. Actually, I have grown quite fond of him in a Vince Vaughn kinda way. But he does, in fact, have an enormous head. And when sitting on top of his freakishly small body, well, it looks even bigger. I'm not saying he's like the kid in Mask, but he's one bad haircut away from doing a pretty good imitation.

But the other night on the post-game show, Cammi was on and anyone who thinks I'm crazy just need to look at this video. It's creepy. In a Vince Vaughn kinda way.

~Tickles

Instant Karma Police

So the other night against Nashville, that Erat guy thought he could take a run at Anze Kopitar without having to pay for it. Normally, that would actually be the case. But for some reason, the Kings decided to actually "Play Hard". 'Bout time...

This video is pretty cool since it tells the story about Erat learning a lesson about hitting our boy Anze a bit too high. But I've never heard this version of Karma Police before. The middle part sounds like that old-timey hippie music my uncle listens too.

KopitArt Exhibit v.2

More love for Anze Kopitar.

Av's Player Enters Rehab: Addicted to Guitar Hero II

DENVER - Colorado Avalanche defenseman Karlis Skrastins has voluntarily entered rehab for what team officials are calling "a bizarre addiction to the video game Guitar Hero II".

Sources say that everyone has been aware of Skrastins' situation for some time, but that lately things started to "spiral out of control". "Look, we all love Karli," said an Avalanche center that wears number 19 who asked not to be indentified, "but when you're shorthanded and you have a guy 'rocking out' in the defensive zone... well, that's just not good for anybody."

Avalanche President Pierre Lacroix was hopeful for a full and quick recovery, but tried not to appear too optimistic. "It's got that Danzig tune, the one about his mother. And You Really Got Me, the Van Halen version, not the crappy Kinks version. And when is the last time you heard Cheap Trick? C'mon, Surrender is like one of the greatest songs ever. Look, we're all pulling for Skrastins, but seriously, he's jamming to Surrender." said Lacroix. "You know, people think we call him Iron Man because he's played in over 800 straight games. But really it's because the guy can get a perfect score playing Iron Man by Black Sabbath... at the expert level. The guy really does rock."

Calls to Skrastins' agent were not immediately returned.

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Rebuilding? Reboring.

I knew it was gonna happen. I knew that the Kings were going give me one less reason to watch them. Sure, Kopitar is a stud. Yeah, Frolov stopped with the wrap-arounds and realized that it is possible to shoot from in front of the goal. And yes, Cammi with his big Virginia Ham head perched on top of his garden gnome body is actually scoring some goals. But watching these guys score goals when the Kings are down 4-1 just isn't that exciting. Losing is losing. Sucking is sucking. Kings hockey is Kings hockey. Add to that the suckiest suck of suckage that ever sucked goaltending, well, then you find yourself looking for the little things to entertain you. Little things like a Rob Blake hip check. What? Oh, he doesn't really do that anymore? He's too busy providing leadership? OK, well then there's Dustin Browns slamming body checks. What? Oh, he doesn't really do that much anymore? Well, OK, then there's at LEAST Sean Avery to entertain us. Like a drunk monkey with a loaded gun, he's at least fun to watch. And the worse the team plays, the drunker that monkey gets. "Look out! What's going to happen next? At least I'm being entertained while the worst team in THE ENTIRE NHL STINKS UP THE ICE." What? The Kings traded Sean Avery?

Yup, they sure did. Sean Avery is now a New York Ranger. Well, I guess the timing couldn't have been better. America Idol's new season just started, so maybe I start an American Idol blog. Because the other night, they had on this 300 pound woman with missing teeth who looked like her ankles were about to snap as she danced and couldn't remember the words to "I Will Always Love You" so she screeched out lyrics that she made up on the spot and she was so out of tune that even Paula couldn't say anything nice about her and it turned out she was like 50 years old anyway. Yes, she sucked. She sucked bad. As bad as the Kings. But do you know what? At least she was fun to watch.

Good luck Sean. And I....... ee I ee I.... will always love you........

~ Tickles

Burke Du Soleil

So here's what I know about the year 1967: There were no cell phones. No internet (well, there may have been an internet, but since there were no computers, the internet was pretty lame I would guess). There was no cable television (I called my Grammy and she said that there were only three channels on the TV. OMG!). No iPods. No microwave ovens. No Sobe Ice Tea. No Red Bull. No Guitar Hero II (or Guitar Hero I probably either). No American Idol. No laptops. No blogs.... How anyone could wake up in 1967 an not just slit their wrists from sheer boredom is beyond me. I mean, how do you get any work done without an iPod?

But do you know what was around in 1967? Beehive hair-dos and Sean Burke. That's right, the Kings newest goalie was around when the last of the dinosaurs still walked the earth. And after watching him shut-out the Panthers, I'd say that the old guy still has some Metamucil in the tank. 40 shots. The guy stopped 40 shots! That's one shot for every year he's been alive. Yeah, that's a lot. Cloutier was stopping maybe 40 shots a week. Oh well, since Cloutier ended up getting surgery, we won't have to worry about that for the rest of the season. Not unless the Kings end up getting deep into the playoffs. But the odds of that have to be something like 4 to 1.

~ Tickles