I Can Admit When I'm Wrong

Did you hear Dan Cloutier has started his own airline? All the flights are non-stop.

*rimshot*

So I was at Staples again, watching the Cloutier experiment explode yet another game on the launch-pad before lift-off. And I can tell you, the natives are getting restless. After Danny Boy allowed the second shot on net to become a goal - a shot, mind you, that was taken by the septuagenarian'ish Tony Amonte... from outside the blueline - after that, some very classless and disrespectful people in my section immediately began to boo the struggling goaltender. (read: me). I might have even been the one who started it. Actually, I think I had been booing him since warm-ups. But anyway, that's beside the point. All you could hear were the chants of "Cloutier Sucks! Cloutier Sucks!", and it was relentless. So we're laying it on thicker than Rob Blake's money-clip when this poor bastard three rows in front of me decides he has heard enough. This poor bastard who, incidentally, was wearing a "CLOUTIER" jersey. Authentic, I'm sure. Probably game worn. Hell, Cloutier may have slept in it for all I know. So anyway, Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy turns around and scolds the poor bastards who are giving Cloutier the business, and for some reason he was staring at me. "Could YOU stop a puck going 100 miles per hour? Could YOU play your best night after night when idiots are booing you? Could YOU even come close to being the athlete he is?" His impassioned, if not warbling voice struck me to the core. It was like I had just gotten the wind knocked out of me and this guy saw right through me. He was right. No, I can't stop 100 mile per hour pucks. And no, since there doesn't seem to be a cup holder or an ashtray anywhere near the goal, there is no way in hell I could spend three hours straight down there night after night. I leaned over the seats in front of me and tapped Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy on the shoulder. After he flinched and put his hands up, I just said, "Hey man, I'm sorry. And I think I can speak for everyone here in this section when I say we're all sorry. You're right, and we hope you can accept our apology." Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy accepted our apologies and went back to watching the Flames now shoot pucks from their own goal-line at the Kings net, some having trouble staying on their skates because they are laughing so hard. At that point I felt I needed to set the record straight, lest Dan Cloutier himself think that their were NHL caliber goalies in the stands heckling him. So I stood up and, with every ounce of energy I had I shouted...

"NOT THAT MY OPINION SHOULD COUNT SINCE I AM MERELY A PAYING FAN, BUT COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, WHEN HIS CURRENT STATISTICS ARE MATCHED UP AGAINST OTHER GOALIES IN COMPETITIVELY SIMILAR SITUATIONS, AND HIS EFFORT IS JUDGED AGAINST GOALIES OF RELATIVELY EQUAL PAY GRADES, CLOUTIER SUCKS!"

Much to my surprise, this chant began to take off, and within seconds my entire section was screaming, "NOT THAT MY OPINION SHOULD COUNT SINCE I AM MERELY A PAYING FAN, BUT COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, WHEN HIS CURRENT STATISTICS ARE MATCHED UP AGAINST OTHER GOALIES IN COMPETITIVELY SIMILAR SITUATIONS, AND HIS EFFORT IS JUDGED AGAINST GOALIES OF RELATIVELY EQUAL PAY GRADES, CLOUTIER SUCKS! NOT THAT MY OPINION SHOULD COUNT SINCE I AM MERELY A PAYING FAN, BUT COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, WHEN HIS CURRENT STATISTICS ARE MATCHED UP AGAINST OTHER GOALIES IN COMPETITIVELY SIMILAR SITUATIONS, AND HIS EFFORT IS JUDGED AGAINST GOALIES OF RELATIVELY EQUAL PAY GRADES, CLOUTIER SUCKS!" And I think Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy appreciated the effort, because he didn't say another word the entire game. I look forward to seeing Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy again soon, so I can tell him how much better I feel now that I have begun to look inside myself, and not project my own inadequacies onto others.

Bartender? Another drink, please...

----------------------------------------------
The opinions expressed by Guy LeMonde are not those of Tickles McGinty or anyone associated with Tickles' blog. In fact, they are quite probably not even the opinions of Mr. LeMond himself as he rarely thinks things through and, we believe, has a drinking problem.
•Guy LeMonde can be reached at Guy.LeMonde@gmail.com