Monday, December 18, 2006

Roenick Watch

Still Blowing Chunks...

Poor, poor (pitiful) Jeremy Roenick. Last week he got scratched and responded by leaving his team and going out for dinner, drinks, an oil change, a Broadway show, and a full-body massage from the second most popular pygmy-transexual Faye Dunaway impersonator in Vancouver (OK, so we're not 100% sure about the pygmy thing). So he whined and cried and blamed the media as if he were running for minority whip, until Gretzky finally gave in and the two of them tongue-kissed and made up. So on Saturday against Calgary, Roenick was back in the line-up. This was a perfect scenario for a Hollywood ending. Like the new Rocky Balboa movie. You know, "The old guy has something to prove and it ain't over 'till it's over". Well, Roenick Balboa jumped on the ice on Saturday and gave everyone the Hollywood ending in his triumphant return.

However, we're still trying to find a Hollywood ending that involves an over the hill, big mouth, self-absorbed, 1.2-million dollar making dumb ass who gets 9:17 TOI - 0 G - 0A - 0PTS - and is a minus-1. We searched IMDB.COM and the only matches it came up with were a bunch of Steve Guttenberg movies.

Don't ever stop JR. We're your biggest fans!
(And do you know what? We actually really used to be.)